I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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