We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
