i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
