if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
