i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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