you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
