do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
