The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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