Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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