Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
