I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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