if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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