I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
