I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
