Just fell off a train. Bad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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