dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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