chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You took a bar mat shot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
