is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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