you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
