I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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