you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
50% drunk capacity currently
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
