just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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