you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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