You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
