Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
