I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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