So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
