oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Boobs speak an international language.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize