She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
