Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
