4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
