a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
