The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
