Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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