Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
