Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
