The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
