"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
