from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Terrible idea I love it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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