so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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