Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
