Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
