During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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