There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
