I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Holy sore nipples Batman
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
