kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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