sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
