I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
