I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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