Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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