apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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