still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
