I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
