true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
