he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this boner is exhausting
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
