my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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