he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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