No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
