I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
